Abuse that leads to domestic violence includes controlling behaviors that attempt to manipulate another person. There might be a great deal of verbal and emotional abuse that includes name calling, putting down the person, and engaging in activities that will help the abuser maintain power over the other individual. The Duluth Model of Power and Control as well as the Duluth Model of Equality showcase specific behaviors that are indicative of abuse, while the Duluth Model of Equality focuses on specific behaviors that indicate a healthy relationship that is safe for all parties and children.
Most characteristics of a person are developed over their lifetime, which is why researchers point to domestic violence as learned behavior. Many children see in their homes abusive relationships that stem from drug or alcohol use, fighting due to money problems or neglect, or any variety of hardship within a home which leads them to have a skewed perception of what a relationship between people is supposed to be like. This is the information they take with them into their own relationships and the cycle of abuse continues.
In many cases of abuse, the abuser feels entitled; let's use respect as an example; and if they don't receive respect from their partner, they lash out at them. Whether this action is a learned behavior or not, abusers can choose how they treat other people. No one is entitled to belittle another person, harm them in any way, or kill them.
For any individual looking at serious relationships, consider the behavior of the other person. If they exhibit personality traits that can lead to violent behaviors, the relationship should be evaluated. Some things to consider: is the person violent or aggressive, do they feel the need to have control, is the other person jealous of other relationships, does your partner have extreme mood shifts, do they have access to weapons, do they come from a family that was violent and not loving, and are you concerned with any of your partners behaviors.
It is best to address certain concerns with behavior with caution. Women tend to stay in abusive relationships for many reasons, fear being one of them, and that they love the person that hurts them. It can be said that if someone truly loved you they wouldn't hurt you physically. That's hard to chew when you're in a relationship, but it really is the truth.
